Moving through circles

4/22/10

Step 1.
Fall for a boy you should have ignored (ok, I finally said it...sort of. and I have been fighting not to say it out loud for days)


Step 2.
Spend your days sweating with him and your nights sleeping with him. Ignore schoolwork, friends, showering. Ok, maybe not showering.


Step 3.
Realize, multiple times, at different emotional levels, that he will not. love. you. back. Give the cold shoulder, throw screaming/crying/mental-break sort of fits all alone, and attempt to distance yourself from the pull your body feels when he is near and the quiet nagging ache you try to ignore when he is away.

Step 4.
Relent to the soft eyes when he asks if you're ok. Forgive the crooked grin when he wraps you in hugs that erase your memory. And hate yourself when he looks at you. Because you know you're almost not breathing because sometimes he looks at you like no one else exists and you're almost certain that he must feel something too.

But almost never guaranteed anything.


4/23/10

There are some days when his scent stays on my skin. Days when I walk past him, soaking wet and in a towel, and I know he'll follow. Days when we lie in bed and I'm surprised to find that I'm not the only one to say this is the best they've ever had. Days when I weave my hands in his hair and we talk about our childhood stuffed animals and drift between waking and sleeping. Days when he sends me text messages that make my jaw drop and my cheeks flame and leave me restless. Days when I find him across a room and his smile makes me catch my breath.

There are some days when his scent stays on my skin and I wonder if anyone else notices.