Grace

Realization this week, that this doesn't mean what I wanted. And that, if I were honest, I knew this all along. I'm a body, but not a heart, where a single verb has multiple connotations, none of which are mutually exclusive. And I was devastated and furious, but the thrill of catching his eye across a room, knowing he was looking only for me, pushed me away from logic and sage advice. Instead I was tugged into a smile and swayed by an open collared shirt, begging to be undone. Sideways glances became shaking legs in a stairwell and shameless challenges became a highschool jersey for a nightshirt.

Kate Havnevik was right- there's no escape. I feel like I've stopped running right when I've found the strength to get free. I know I never wanted this to stop and I will bruise and break when he's finished with me. I know the fall is too far. I know he isn't there, waiting to catch me. And yet, he consumes me.